(Warning: This is not a light hearted blog. It is an attempt to clear my brain of the mess I've made of it)
I just discovered something disturbing about myself. I suspected this might be true, but now I am certain. I recently read a book. I would rather not disclose the title, because some of you would want to read it only out of morbid curiosity. You wouldn't take my warning or read with any seriousness that it changed me for the worse. The book was the idea of my book club, which after reading this book I have decided to quit. Oprah endorsed this book, which drops her even lower on my list of people that deserve respect. The book took me about a month to read, and in that month and since then the world has seemed a little darker, colored gray by the graphic pictures my brain created because of the creative power of this writer. My brother in law read the book in 1989, and when he saw that I was reading it said the pictures came rushing back. He also says he regrets ever reading it. I hoped I could be like most and just "let it go," but alas it is not to be. The further away from reading this book I get, the more regret I feel. There is so much good to be read in this world. But I filled my mind with details about man's capacity to do evil and glean joy from it. Another fellow blogger of mine wrote about wishing she could press ctrl-alt-delete to remove some of the things she had viewed. Oh, if only we had such a group of buttons to erase that which we wish was not part of our thoughts.
Confirmation of the damage this book has done came tonight as I watched The Dark Knight. I had heard that it was a good movie, but on the dark side. Very psychologically engaging and interesting in the questions of social ethics it raises. I enjoyed the movie. I thought it was well done. But it didn't bother me at all. My personality has a really hard time with injustice. I have often joked that my need for justice will land me in an institution someday. This movie was full of injustice and I told Steve it was like "watching a cartoon," compared to the book I just finished.
Ruined. And all because I read a book that started with the author boasting..."I don't believe in God." That should have been my first clue that this was not the book for me.
Friday, January 2, 2009
I am off to a very convincing start. Two days in a row, I believe is an all time record since the founding of this riveting blog.
Today I am wondering how much I need to fight my kids on what they wear. My mother told me what I was going to wear everyday, and I can vividly remember a knock down drag out fight in the 4th grade where my mom wanted me to wear a cute purple knicker/overall combination for picture day, and I wanted to wear the cute light colored pink shirt that was sure to wash me out in the picture. It didn't really matter what I wore on that day; I still had a disgustingly boyish haircut that made any outfit look suspiciously like my mother wanted a girl so badly that she was turning her little boy into a little girl. After threatening to run away and the timely arrival of the bus, my mom bitterly let me have my way and the picture came out just as my mom threatened. A toothy, short haired girl/boy? washed out because her shirt was too light. It was one of many bloody battles over clothes and I have never forgotten it. As a result, I let my kids, basically choose what they want to wear. With the exception of church on Sunday, they basically dress themselves. I figure, especially on the days we are home, let them develop their own sense of style and freedom. Believe me, I already control, what some would argue, as too much in their lives since I homeschool.
So today as I write I am watching my girls play Wii (their response to their dad and I telling them they have not exercised enough over this vacation.) Haley is actually dressed pretty well. Cute purple sweat pants and a matching purple t-shirt. Her red hair is nicely groomed and I feel like maybe she is coming out of her wacky phase. Kayci is dressed in blue sweat pants and a blue and white striped hoodie that is meant to have a tank-top of some kind under it. The plunging neck line is a little revealing. I asked her why her chest was showing and she said, "I like it." OK, I guess she'll have plenty of time to be embarrassed of her chest as she realizes she is cursed with her mom's DNA. Courtney is wearing a fuschia dress (She love Fancy Nancy), with turquoise sweat pants with a yellow stripe down the side and a striped pink white and green t-shirt/long sleeved combo over the dress. Can you picture it? If you've ever had a child or seen my children you probably can. She is so proud that she put the outfit together and her sister's are too kind-hearted to tell her that she is way off.
So I will continue to let the line out easily. Who cares if people don't think I know how to dress my kids? I KNOW how, I just choose to not fight this battle right now. Kayci knows that it is inappropriate to show that much skin in public, but while in our home, why not? Courtney is very cute in her mismatched clothes and doesn't care what other people think...yet. Far too soon, she will stop making her own choices based on what she likes and start making decisions based on what her friends are doing. Haley is almost there, as demonstrated by the fact that she is well put together this morning. I am going to just enjoy them and applaud their style. I'm sure I'll let you know when I have lost complete control, and they are all dressing like street-walkers to go to high-school. But until then...I think they are cute.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
2009 begins today and as I look at the activity on my blog this past year I hear by resolve to do better. I'm not going to be crazy like fellow blogger Jodie, and commit to a daily update, but I think I can improve on the average 4 times a month. Like I always say, it's not for lack of anything to say that I don't write, but instead lack of mental stamina to organize my thoughts. I used to journal everyday. I can do this more than 4 times a month. I am already looking forward to February and composing my apology for this being my only post in the month of January.
Christmas was great this year. I really had a hard time in the beginning of my marriage giving up the traditions I grew up with. I thought I would never be truly happy at Christmas again. However, with my own family, and our growing traditions, I am finding that joy once again rekindled. I love how excited the kids get. I love how, even though Steve told them there was no such thing as Santa (I'm still sad about this), they still believe. Kayci even went so far as to ask me to open a Bible to John 3:16 next to the plate of milk and cookies she set up. Her specific request was something like, "Mom, could you do me and God a big favor?" Then proceeded with the specifications for placement of the Bible and to which verse it should be open. It was very cute. She set out about 8 cookies...I couldn't eat them all so I had to put them back. Is that dishonest? I did read the verse, because I can always use the reminder.
JRS and I successfully surprised my dad on his 60th birthday this year with a huge party. IT was great. He was so happy. He was so appreciative. It just felt great.
JRG was not in attendance because she was busy awaiting the birth of the 6th grandchild and 2nd boy to the mix. Blake Roger was born two days after Christmas and we are all so excited.
I asked my kids what they wanted to do differently in 2009. I told them these are called New Year's Resolutions. Maybe I didn't explain the concept well enough, but here they are. My offspring's deep seeded hopes for the New Year.
Haley's new year's resolution is to "Be happy and to have more people come to her house to play." (She turns 10 this year...I can't believe it.)
Kayci's new year's resolution is to "I don't know...do the same thing as I did last year."
Courtney's new year's resolutions is to "Play more and eat candy."
Happy New Year everyone!!