The Chevron Station

I've been meaning to write about this event in my life for sometime. However, it has taken some mental processing to be able to convey the interesting aspects of this particular occurrence. It really was something like out of a movie. Except in the movie, the mother is some kind of super hero and handles the situation better than I did. Or the mother is killed because she, like me, didn't know the correct way to handle what was thrown her way.

Here is how the event unfolded. It was a cold and rainy Wednesday night. I was running late to my church rehearsal and the girls' church clubs. ("Running late" will be what my epitaph will read). As I piled everyone into the car and started to roll out of the driveway, I noticed my gas light on. Of course it was on, because I was running late and it was raining. It was going to take me an hour to get to church anyway, because Southern Californians freak out at the sight of water dropping from the sky. So I quickly drive to the local Chevron station that also has a McDonalds attached. I thought the kids' liver had had it too easy lately. I didn't want their digestive system to get lazy or their immune system to become too healthy. I like to keep all body systems on their toes at all times. So while the gas was being pumped I loaded up on America's health food of choice: cheeseburgers (no onions), fries, and vitamin C rich hi-C orange drink. I brought the above mentioned food to my starving troops. Kayci, from the back seat says, "Mom I forgot, I have to bring snacks tonight for Pioneer Girls. And, also it has to be healthy because we are trying to live healthy lives." Now remember, I am running late AND it is raining. Before panic completely set in, I remembered that Chevron is also equipped with a nice snack shop too. As I was looking through the shelves and shelves of healthy options in this quick stop, I noticed a steady stream of shady looking women filing into the Chevron snack shop. At first I just notice them. Then I noticed 4 armed guards guarding each door. You see, next door to this Chevron/McDonalds/Snack shop station is a bus station. Apparently some women prisoners were being moved from one facility to another and this was their "potty" stop. (If you are just now realizing it; yes, I left my children in the car without me while I was making these purchases.) I swallowed hard and carried my healthy treasures of cheese and crackers toward the check out line. At this point the space inside the little store had become very small and awkward. I was trying to avoid making eye contact without appearing to be trying to avoid making eye contact. It's not that I feel like I am better than these women; (actually, I don't feel like I'm better than anybody or anything for that matter) I'm just certain these women know they are tougher than me. To my surprise one of these women grabbed my arm and said, "Hey, hook me up, I don't have no ID and I gotta have some smokes; you feel me?" Now I've actually only heard "bad guys" talk this way on CSI, but being an avid TV watcher, I was "Down" with what she was sayin.' I nervously smiled and said, "Um, n-n-no I can't do that. (smiling awkwardly) I'm really sorry." (I apologized because of my pathetic need for everyone to like me). She mumbled something under her breath that I'm pretty sure was NOT "God bless you." Then she moved on to someone else. I kid you not; I was asked this same question in very similar ways 4 times in the short excursion between the snack shelves and the check out counter. While I was checking out, the clerk wasn't sure how much one of the kinds of snacks that I picked was. I desperately said, "Just charge me whatever. I've got kids in the car. I'm late and it is raining. Please let me go." I couldn't get the tears to come, but I think she sympathized with the wildly panicked look in my eyes.

After I got safely to the car and to my kids I started thinking of funny things I could have said as reasons I couldn't buy smokes for these delightful women. Since this will probably never happen to me again, I thought I would pass on some of my wasted ideas, so if you ever encounter a similar situation, you will be prepared.

10 things to say to someone, from prison, who asks you to buy smokes:

1. I'm sorry I don't speak English/Spanish/whatever language they just used.

2. I don't have any money and I'm not allowed to use your money.

3. You shouldn't smoke. It looks like you've already made some pretty poor choices in your life. Let's make a good choice by not smoking.

4. I am also a prisoner disguised as a mother. Leave me alone !@#$.

5. I'm not quite 18 yet. I totally would otherwise. I know I look 30 something...but that is because I have been smoking since I was 9.

6. Yes, I will buy your smokes if you will buy all of these snacks for my kids.

7. Hey, I recognize you. I knew you would end up in prison. (start pointing and laughing)

8. What are smokes?

9. I have to use the restroom.

10. (just start crying uncontrollably out of fear).

I hope this list helps someone out there. I think any of these would work, by themselves or in conjunction with each other.

As always, my faithful readers: You are welcome.