Words Hurt

How do you communicate this little fact to children? Why is it that they say horrible things to people without thought for the pain their words may cause? As someone who is overly sensitive anyway, I find it hard to believe that my offspring can be so hurtful to others sometime. And lets be honest, embarrassing to me!!

About a month ago, my sweet little 3 year old Courtney was jabbering about to a stranger. We were at a country club watching my sister give tennis lessons. Courtney was being her usual "shy" self and was impressing this man with her command of the English language. I was partially listening, measuring the level of annoyance from this patient stranger. When all of a sudden she said, "Hey, you know what? Brown people are bad guys." The look on the guys face said it all. His instant conclusion was, "Oh, this is one of THOSE type of families...white supremacist or those trying to make sure our borders stay closed and "brown people" are forced to go back from where they came." I swallowed hard and said, "What did you say Courtney?" (Why I wanted her to repeat it...I'm not sure...I was hoping that I heard wrong or that my apparent surprise would assuage any incorrect conceptions this man may have already drawn.). She giggled and said, "Brown people are bad guys right mom?" I quickly walked away and said over my shoulder, "Whose kid is that anyway?" I wonder whatever happened to that impertinent child.

Instance number two:

This past weekend my three children were left with my mother, then my grandmother (Gigi), then my mother-in-law. The variety alone may have been too much for my precious little girls, but it was necessary so I could go and be a pastor's wife for a weekend retreat. (I think this needs a blog all by itself...stay tuned). While staying in the care of my mother, Gigi (pictured above) came over to watch them while my mom played tennis one morning. Upon entering my house both Kayci and Courtney started laughing. My grandma, so thrilled to see these little angels, said, "What's so funny sweet girls?" At which time Courtney, allegedly repeating what Kayci had just said, blurted out, "You're fat." To which my grandma simply replied, "Oh, ok." When I asked Kayci why she said it in the first place she replied that she thought it would be funny. I really don't even want to keep writing. I'm so humiliated and so hurt for my grandma. My grandma, surprisingly said that she thought it was no big deal and very funny. She had a good attitude about it, but I have decided that my children will be given a script everyday of the things they can say and who they may speak to. Deviation from this script will require some kind of consequences. They obviously need this kind of control.

So in the future you will see my children walking along with a written out script of what they can say. If they don't talk to you, just feel lucky. They would have probably called you a bad guy, fat, old, balding, or any other insecurity you may have. My kids seem to think that kind of stuff is funny.

I have failed. (It's only funny if I say it first.)